There are days, like today, where I find myself in a quandary. I am the administrator in a several groups and a couple of pages on Facebook. I have one group, that I really enjoy and have been learning a great deal from.
One of my favorite groups, has been going along fine and getting along even better. Right up until the addition of one person, as a member of our group. This page was founded by a person who wants to maintain a certain tone. I get that. Being and admin in other groups, I understand completely the desire to have a respectful, courteous tone. I like the idea. I love the subject matter of this group.
Now, we have been having a great time in this group. There are about sixty-five of us, altogether. Exchanging ideas, learning from each other and generally speaking, having a great time. Right up until the recent addition of this one person. Who, due to none of us really knowing this person, I friend-ed. Unfortunately.
Suddenly, posts are the size of novels. Attempts by this person at humor are insulting and demeaning. And sometimes, just downright mean and stupid. The page was usurped by a pretender to the throne. And, from her behavior, not a very stable pretender either. Her needy tone and desperation for contact has overwhelmed her self control.
It wasn't until someone I know personally, left the group that I saw what was happening. When my friend left and emailed me why that I figured out how the group had changed. When my friend cited the pretender as the reason for leaving the group, I understood what had happened. I went back in our history and looked at previous posts.
My friend was right. The pretender's posts were overwhelming her news feed and she can't abide that. When I tried to explain to the pretender that this was not helping our environment, the tone of the group, she turned her attention to me. I became her 'new' BFBF..(best Facebook friend) I didn't much like my new status as that person.
Suddenly, my personal Facebook page is being inundated with her posts. She actually posted her bullshit on my page. Sorry, but that IS pet peeve number one, for me. When she was asked to stop, she refused to do so. So, I reiterated my request. But, I added the explanation that should she ignore my request, I would un-friend her. Which she ignored. Again.
So, of course, I got rid of her as a friend. As you can imagine, this didn't go over well and she started posting in the group. Her previous "novel like" posts became epic and her not so subtle behavior worsened. The tone of my favorite group, changed.
It was no longer the fun, educational group it had been before she was added. I ignored her as best I could until one day, the admin and founder of the group, contacted me, asking for my opinion. I told her the truth. As it related to me and my friend, who abandoned the group because of this one persons out of control posts.
I watched as the pretender was warned to keep her posts to a manageable length. I watched as the pretender told the admin she would post as much, or as little as she wanted. I watched as the pretender was warned to stop...Which, she ignored. Then, I watched as the admins booted her from the group.
Then I watched the pretender as she went to those members she was still friends with and begged them to get back into the group. With long sob stories, each one different, she continues, some time later, to harass this group.
Since she was booted, the conversations are back to being fun and educational as well. The tone has calmed dramatically. We no longer hear about how hard the pretenders life is and has been. How poor she is and then in the next post, she purchased a new product to make her life easier.
The problem she posed to the group, as I saw it, is this: The pretender is lonely, needy and desperate to be the one who is the focal point of her world. I don't think she is happy. I think she needs to form her own group so she can rule and choose the members who are willing to worship at her feet and not notice that she is a narcissistic, needy person.
I was asked what I thought about allowing her back into this group. In my opinion, this is such a bad idea. The pretender has no idea what is appropriate and what is not. She caused a great deal of drama. Unnecessarily so. She cannot, nor will she ever be able to control herself. So, keep her out of the group. Those who empathize with her, can go be in a group with her.
This will solve all the issues with her and the way her departure was handled. And this way, everyone is happy. Especially me.
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